It’s been so long since I have known sexy in myself. I want to know sexy, or to share sexy but I always have excuses. It’s either work, dogs, travel, too tired, or most realistically, it’s that I don’t have a reason. And who really needs a reason? And with that, I still have EXCUSES.
A newly married woman should feel sexy or have reasons to sport the sexy dress and shoes. But most of our so-called dates take place in Kuwait, and it’s rather difficult to have date time when both of us are exhausted, me from travel and him from long days complicated with my unusual or rather lack of sleep habits. Everything is casual and maybe this is what happens post marriage. I don’t really agree with that, I really don’t. But I am fishing here. And I think all this will be clear soon, please bear with me.
I just saw an episode of The City. And all I could think after seeing one of the dates was that I bet my husband had sexy dates like that. ARGH!!! and with that I want to pound my head into a wall. Why must I think this? WHY?!!!! I am guessing I think this because we have skipped a lot of the normal parts of dating or at least all the dates and most of our so-called dates have been on dive boats in wet suits, or fully clothed trying not to go any further until we were married, or via iChat (and this almost, or about 99% of the time) has me in pajamas….so UNsexy.
And sexy just got more complicated with pregnancy. Yep. Hard to feel sexy when your tummy resembles a keg, your ass resembles that of a donkey’s a little more everyday and well, just to be honest…you are getting FAT. Sure, the fat is needed to make breast milk but it is cruel where some of this fat starts to gather. The girlie bits that used to be pink and little and pretty aren’t any of that much anymore. It’s rather embarrassing. So embarrassing in fact that I didn’t want my husband to see these parts of my body for fear that it would cause trauma and our sex life would have been short-lived at 3 weeks. Yes, that is how many post marriage weeks we have spent together. Yet, we have been married 5 months.
Can we at all see my frustration?
3 weeks and I have no idea what is normal.
I like stories to belong to me. I especially like sexy stories to belong to me. My identity is deeply rooted in my sensual nature. And it feels like for the last year and half this sensual nature has been in storage. And now with pregnancy it feels like it might be gone forever. Or at least the me that was won’t be any longer and I have no idea what will be, but if it is what is, then I would be entirely disappointed with myself. I feel like I should feel sexy, I WANT to feel sexy.
